Registration Population As you all probably know I shouldn't be here, now , typing this, because work abades me but it is just as likely that you shouldn't be here, now, reading this since the vast majority of my HUGE fanbase is college aged students either soaked in homework or at the mercy of full-time employment. BUT when is it really ever the right time to just block out all obligation and type in this stream-of-consiousness way and not even think about the possibility of something else being more worth while? Never really.

This week is tech week, followed by performance week, then dead week, next finals week, then again an intense week of rehersal and performance, then summer. School obviously ends after finals week however I will remain down south because I have been invited to dance in my first paid job in downtown LA at an emerging artists performance showing May 10-13. The actual thought of dancing for money raises in me both mixed reactions of accomplishment and failure. As put by a teacher once, real artists don't need to be paid; they dance apart from money. However, I think that to believe a dancer is not also simultaneously a person who pays bills and lives off of store-bought food is living in a bohemian fantasy world. I'd like the middle ground please: a modest wage from an insightful and meaningful dance job.

Three papers and two choreographic assignments are swirling in my brain right now but its just one of those nights where cognitive seperation of the five into a productive manner just isn't possible.

Easter stired in me a lot of things I have kept at bay recently. While ethics and philosophy are constantly challenging my own understanding of morality and life, I realized this weekend while being submerged in a uniquely different lifestyle (that of my extremely conservative uncle) that I hold within me so many contradictory ideas. The weirdest part is, I don't seem to mind. I simply think one way about the world when it applies, and the exact opposite when it's convenient. If the two counter-parts start to mix I just stop thinking for a minute and then choose one to focus on. Why is it that I can do this; not just accomplish it but live peacefully so divided? Maybe its like the person who agrees in telling the truth at all times but understands how to lie to save a life. Pick and choose your benefits. Afterall, it's not like God's gonna come to me tonight and ask for a written statement on my world beliefs right? right?....hum

Topic to ponder: The power of every person, specifically visual artists (writers, dancers, painters, etc), to display a message and penetrate ones conciousness and therefore change their inner-being without permission.
Example: I saw a dance that evoked in the two black girls sitting next to me such strong emotion that, offended, torn, and abused, they put their hands over their eyes in disbelief. They weren't asked for their permission to be challenged or offended, but the choreographer literally changed the internal make-up of those beautiful people.
Lesson to self: Be aware of the power of your voice, your work. It could make or break a man so always be thinking about the possibilities it has, positive or negative, and not just from your short personal point of view but from every eye that beholds it.  ¶ 6:47 PM