Monday, January 08, 2007
Dajuju
Illusion.
Reality is hard to grasp, where images are fleeting and flutter beneath your eyelids only long enough for you to catch a whisp of their scent. Places pass you in a matter of hours along with the memories they hold, the foods they delight in, and the people they pleasure you with. Even more you begin to realize that you can leave people just as simply as you met them and thus come upon the alarming fact that individuals exists completely without your presence. Choices are made and unmade within their very own conception as one digests that perhaps, just maybe, the largest choices they made were not even matters of real choice but rather obligation, devotion, conformity, or even simple fate. What is then left of reality? No graspable images, no firm places, no known people, no true choices...
What I can find is only now. But again, that isn't good enough for me since most intensly pleasurable experiences I have in this world are bottled into little jars labled "memories a-z". The rush of adrenaline I can hope for today is not in the next crack in the pavement that will make me stumble for a step but rather comes from meditating on a fulfilled future, complete with lover, family, art and soul. The sad truth is, in this point in life I have to admit that happiness for me lies not in today, but yesterday or tomorrow.
And thus the war begins. I live in reality but can't find it, I exists only in now but can't enjoy it. "I should have" "I wish I were" and "Only if" 's plague my speech and their riding would most likely led to a sense of exhalation. I read a quote today that inspired me to do so. It reads
"Mindful and creative, a child who has neither a past, no examples to follow, nor value judgements, simply lives, speaks and plays in freedom" ~Arnaud Desjardins
So let the freedom come.
In other news, it was an alarming 80 degrees today and I remembered that I had forgotten how deeply blue the ocean still is, even in polluted LA. Similarly, my time warp is furthered by the fact that instead of being woken up by the patter of rain and wind, I had to slip my face under the covers to avoid the intense rays of the morning sun. Many people around the world connect images of light with rebirth...bring it on. ¶ 9:02 PM
Reality is hard to grasp, where images are fleeting and flutter beneath your eyelids only long enough for you to catch a whisp of their scent. Places pass you in a matter of hours along with the memories they hold, the foods they delight in, and the people they pleasure you with. Even more you begin to realize that you can leave people just as simply as you met them and thus come upon the alarming fact that individuals exists completely without your presence. Choices are made and unmade within their very own conception as one digests that perhaps, just maybe, the largest choices they made were not even matters of real choice but rather obligation, devotion, conformity, or even simple fate. What is then left of reality? No graspable images, no firm places, no known people, no true choices...
What I can find is only now. But again, that isn't good enough for me since most intensly pleasurable experiences I have in this world are bottled into little jars labled "memories a-z". The rush of adrenaline I can hope for today is not in the next crack in the pavement that will make me stumble for a step but rather comes from meditating on a fulfilled future, complete with lover, family, art and soul. The sad truth is, in this point in life I have to admit that happiness for me lies not in today, but yesterday or tomorrow.
And thus the war begins. I live in reality but can't find it, I exists only in now but can't enjoy it. "I should have" "I wish I were" and "Only if" 's plague my speech and their riding would most likely led to a sense of exhalation. I read a quote today that inspired me to do so. It reads
"Mindful and creative, a child who has neither a past, no examples to follow, nor value judgements, simply lives, speaks and plays in freedom" ~Arnaud Desjardins
So let the freedom come.
In other news, it was an alarming 80 degrees today and I remembered that I had forgotten how deeply blue the ocean still is, even in polluted LA. Similarly, my time warp is furthered by the fact that instead of being woken up by the patter of rain and wind, I had to slip my face under the covers to avoid the intense rays of the morning sun. Many people around the world connect images of light with rebirth...bring it on. ¶ 9:02 PM
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would ya update your blog? some of us miss seeing the inner workings of one of the world's most amazing minds! I love you and miss you and anxiously anticipate talking (tonight?) soon!
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