System Regional Religion Reaching hour number 6, hoping to make it to 24 in order to prove to myself that I'm made of a little more than bones and muscles and maybe something called willpower. Fasting in the name of all those who fast not out of choice but out of necesity. Apparently, every 60 seconds a child dies of starvation. I've thought of this at least 4 times in the last hour as I've gone all the way to having a dried pinapple slice in my hand before I remember that eating is not an option tonight. So easily I plan a trip to get food and gripe about the price but still pay; I pay because I am able. How lucky.

I also recently learned that 82,000 people in Los Angeles county are homeless. Thats Hillsboro and then some kicked out on the street. Either they all hide very well, or I've trained myself so well to look away that I don't even remember seeing them in the first place.

Tonight my mood is neutral and my mind is tired. I wrote over 10 pages about Louis XIV and think I will vomit if I see his name again. Thank you Dr. Grever for allowing me the opportunity to learn, but curse you to hell for making it this boring.

While Ryan was visiting, we wandered into the History Department offices and found a rack full of books which read "Free Books: Take one, Leave One". I took 2, and have intended on replacing those two ever since but have yet to do so. One book has become my nightime source of solace as it woes my mind and soul to sleep to the ponderings of religion. In my egocentric thought, I imagine all people having the same infatuation with theology and philosophy that I do, but I'm slowly discovering that we each have a chip off our shoulder, maybe put there, maybe grown there, and we try to mold it, carve it, explore it, and fill it with whatever information we know fits there. My neighbors chip is evolution; where we came from and thus where we are going. My old friends chip is Jesus: who was he and why should I care? My boyfriends chip is authority in nature: why does it exists, should it exists, and should I resist? Mine is, unexplanable as it is, God and morality: who is He, why do I care so much, if I see Him this way is it wrong? can I actually feel Him or is that just me?--everyone thinks all the above, but some of us obsess about one or the other.

I am reading the first chapter on Hinduism and I approve. Quote of the evening
"The world holds immense posibilities for our enjoyment. It is awask with beauty and heavy with delights for our senses. If pleasure is what you want says India, don't supress this desire. See instead that it is fulfilled as richly and esthetically as possible"
...one page later...
"She says this-and waits. She waits for the time (it will come to everyone, though not to everyone in his present life) when one realizes that pleasure isn't all one wants. The reason everyone eventually comes to this discovery is not because pleasure is wicked-we have seen that it is not-but because it is enervating and too narrow nad trivial to satisfy man's total nature. Pleasure is essentailly private, and the self is too small an object for perpetual enthusiasm."

I just love that.

Maybe thats what food is to me. Pleasure that is just that; good for me, wonderful and pleasing, and wholey good. But not fulfilling enough...it only helps me and can only help one person at a time in a world that's got alot of people. I need to work to make sure others can have more food...and maybe that I get some good soon because it does sound absolutely perfect right now. Much love  ¶ 10:25 PM