Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Baptiste Vinyasa
Morning slowly fades into night and the clock turns 9. Finally, the sun finds it comfort in the distant hills and I discover solace in the sound of my own laugh. Daddy sings in the background as he plays his guitar, Mom giggles with delight and I wonder... who distributes joy? Am I almost out? Or have I only been licking the salt on the edge of the martini glass? If the later, will it come only when I look and work my way into a happy place or is it like a stumbled upon oasis, given to me by God's good grace rather than my own creation?
People always ask stupid questions like "Would you rather be a boy or a girl?" First of all, I only have experience being a girl and everyone favors the known, where as the mysterious is intriguing, but too scary. Secondly, I'm not even sure what the real difference between being male and female is besides the obvious genitals. I'm thinking that boys are naturally less confident and superficially more arogant, girls are more easily manipulated and let themselves be taken victim. I guess in my not-so-vast knowledge that we are equally intelegent but differently so, and unequaly physically strong. (men can do more but women can take more). Beyond that, earth's just got a bunch of bodies floatin around trying to create differentiated terms and circulating ideas of feminism verse chauvanism so that, like always, we can see a social structure and a physical separation rather than a unity. But (here's the catch) more recently, I've had the urge to be a boy. If I were a boy, I could drive myself to the coast and not worry my parents. If I were a boy, men at the workplace wouldn't avoid eye contact with me and men rolling along in the big rims along the streets of Hillsboro would break their nausiating eye contact with me. If I were a boy, I could spend the night with whomever I pleased because I would not be taken advantage of. If I were a boy, I would be busing tables and making tips, not hostessing at minimum wage. If I were a boy, perhaps I wouldn't make ridiculous outcries of insinuating hate at those i love simply because its 3 days before my womanhood makes its apperance. If I were a boy, I would want to be a woman, not have to be a woman.
But then again, we all use something as an excuse so that we can continue to live in complacency and avoid having to make alterations to ourselves. "If i had a degree" or "if I had a car" or "if I wasn't so stubborn"...but why say if when everything we have is just a matter of either what we are blessed with and have the honor to learn to love, or something we have chosen and at any moment could pay the cost to change it. Ultimately, I cannot change the world and the eyes through which it looks at me. I can only change what I let them see, and the honor I have about all that I embody.
That sounded like the biggest feminist piece of BS I've ever written. For all you males out there, everything above applies to you too. Insert all assumptions made, all labels given to you and thrive to not allow yourself to be pushed into a category but rather, give yourself a name.
Namaste *I think I'm going to end posts with that because it is just about the most poetic dismissal I've ever heard. Unlike goodbye or later or have a great day, it doesnt involve time or further intensions. Just a salutation. The highest and best in me acknowledges the highest and best in you. That's just wonderful ¶ 11:10 PM
Morning slowly fades into night and the clock turns 9. Finally, the sun finds it comfort in the distant hills and I discover solace in the sound of my own laugh. Daddy sings in the background as he plays his guitar, Mom giggles with delight and I wonder... who distributes joy? Am I almost out? Or have I only been licking the salt on the edge of the martini glass? If the later, will it come only when I look and work my way into a happy place or is it like a stumbled upon oasis, given to me by God's good grace rather than my own creation?
People always ask stupid questions like "Would you rather be a boy or a girl?" First of all, I only have experience being a girl and everyone favors the known, where as the mysterious is intriguing, but too scary. Secondly, I'm not even sure what the real difference between being male and female is besides the obvious genitals. I'm thinking that boys are naturally less confident and superficially more arogant, girls are more easily manipulated and let themselves be taken victim. I guess in my not-so-vast knowledge that we are equally intelegent but differently so, and unequaly physically strong. (men can do more but women can take more). Beyond that, earth's just got a bunch of bodies floatin around trying to create differentiated terms and circulating ideas of feminism verse chauvanism so that, like always, we can see a social structure and a physical separation rather than a unity. But (here's the catch) more recently, I've had the urge to be a boy. If I were a boy, I could drive myself to the coast and not worry my parents. If I were a boy, men at the workplace wouldn't avoid eye contact with me and men rolling along in the big rims along the streets of Hillsboro would break their nausiating eye contact with me. If I were a boy, I could spend the night with whomever I pleased because I would not be taken advantage of. If I were a boy, I would be busing tables and making tips, not hostessing at minimum wage. If I were a boy, perhaps I wouldn't make ridiculous outcries of insinuating hate at those i love simply because its 3 days before my womanhood makes its apperance. If I were a boy, I would want to be a woman, not have to be a woman.
But then again, we all use something as an excuse so that we can continue to live in complacency and avoid having to make alterations to ourselves. "If i had a degree" or "if I had a car" or "if I wasn't so stubborn"...but why say if when everything we have is just a matter of either what we are blessed with and have the honor to learn to love, or something we have chosen and at any moment could pay the cost to change it. Ultimately, I cannot change the world and the eyes through which it looks at me. I can only change what I let them see, and the honor I have about all that I embody.
That sounded like the biggest feminist piece of BS I've ever written. For all you males out there, everything above applies to you too. Insert all assumptions made, all labels given to you and thrive to not allow yourself to be pushed into a category but rather, give yourself a name.
Namaste *I think I'm going to end posts with that because it is just about the most poetic dismissal I've ever heard. Unlike goodbye or later or have a great day, it doesnt involve time or further intensions. Just a salutation. The highest and best in me acknowledges the highest and best in you. That's just wonderful ¶ 11:10 PM
