Wednesday, November 30, 2005
equity
I know its unwise, I know its absurd, but there is so much in my mind and heart right now that tomorrow's exam and the studying that is required of me prior to it to feel some sense of security is going out the window. I want to just bleed from my insides out onto this page right now everything that is eating me inside, everything that makes me love, everything that kills me, and all that is pushing my stress limit to unimaginable heights. But for some reason I still embrace this weird sense of anonymity within my posts. No names, dates, events, and only recently have I ventured into allowing pictures of myself. I guess I'd like to think that I am making some commuinity contribution by writting without self in mind. But we all know thats a big fat lie. We write so others will read, and what else would we want them to read about but our own significance, intelligence and subsequent worth. So i am gonna type, not get personal, and hope you all get that this is very personal...
In this instance, between here and home where tests and papers clog the clear view that represents complete nad total fulfillment, I find my emotions stretched to their widest point in the history of my life. Never have I ever felt both this much love, and this much utter lack of love at the same time. I have in my life a source of compassion and acceptance that reassures me daily that I have worth. 15 minutes later I have a different source that lets me know I am useless. Although distressing, I am able to look at moments like these and realize what a trip it all is. The heights of mania, the depths of dispair, the bipolar nature of relationships and the amazing ability we all possess to just take it and learn. Learn that we are all pieces of humanity, equal and separate, reaching different heights and different lows yet in the end, there is a medium, a balance, an existence of harmony.
Speaking of which, I would like everyone to take a second and whip out their favorite films. I get phone calls weekly from Neil telling me another anazing film that I should engage myself in, yet I remain barren and dry in the land of inspriation via the tube. Finally, I was blessed by the independent industry and given 2 hours (originally designated to writting an english paper on vegetarianism) to turn off all the lights in mid-day and watch the film Baraka. In a slow zoom, panormaic view of the amazon that would make a bush-waking, anter-mounting, oil-drilling republican cry on his knees from the sheer beauty, the film opens and closes with a breath-taking look at the cultures and history of the world. There are no words, no real music, only sounds and gutteral noises. For the first time ever, I saw humans as a part of a whole, and an inflated part at that. I saw love and peace, followed by destruction and war. I saw animals, trees, people, buildings, all from this unbaised perspective. It made me respect God that much more for still loving humans after all we've done to this beautiful creation.
To be continued...
Crash and Baraka=good
US economy=pyschological treatment
cops=inequality
darkness=depth
raggae=love
Let me explain: ¶ 8:23 PM
In this instance, between here and home where tests and papers clog the clear view that represents complete nad total fulfillment, I find my emotions stretched to their widest point in the history of my life. Never have I ever felt both this much love, and this much utter lack of love at the same time. I have in my life a source of compassion and acceptance that reassures me daily that I have worth. 15 minutes later I have a different source that lets me know I am useless. Although distressing, I am able to look at moments like these and realize what a trip it all is. The heights of mania, the depths of dispair, the bipolar nature of relationships and the amazing ability we all possess to just take it and learn. Learn that we are all pieces of humanity, equal and separate, reaching different heights and different lows yet in the end, there is a medium, a balance, an existence of harmony.
Speaking of which, I would like everyone to take a second and whip out their favorite films. I get phone calls weekly from Neil telling me another anazing film that I should engage myself in, yet I remain barren and dry in the land of inspriation via the tube. Finally, I was blessed by the independent industry and given 2 hours (originally designated to writting an english paper on vegetarianism) to turn off all the lights in mid-day and watch the film Baraka. In a slow zoom, panormaic view of the amazon that would make a bush-waking, anter-mounting, oil-drilling republican cry on his knees from the sheer beauty, the film opens and closes with a breath-taking look at the cultures and history of the world. There are no words, no real music, only sounds and gutteral noises. For the first time ever, I saw humans as a part of a whole, and an inflated part at that. I saw love and peace, followed by destruction and war. I saw animals, trees, people, buildings, all from this unbaised perspective. It made me respect God that much more for still loving humans after all we've done to this beautiful creation.
To be continued...
Crash and Baraka=good
US economy=pyschological treatment
cops=inequality
darkness=depth
raggae=love
Let me explain: ¶ 8:23 PM
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I wish I had read and commented earlier, because I not so sure youll see this now - But I feel that, although it is so difficult to do when not directly talking and looking at eachother, I connected with you in this post. Your mind made my day better - now you have another reason to write - because you have the power to make the world a better place through writing.
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