Cool fast hard easy I believe I have spent the past 15 years of my life (not 18 because at age 3 I really only thought about pooping, eating, and sleeping) worrying. Worrying about people who are not me and are not making the decisions I would make. Worrying about those I love ending up cornered in a situation that would cause them immense emotional or physical pain. Even worrying about people who have no actual value to me except that they live, yet I still will loose sleep over whether or not I think they are putting themselves in danger. Sweet and all as it is, my natural role as Mother to all is tiresome to say the least. So I have set a new goal. Normally this goal would seem ridiculously self-centered, but in my case, I need to find a way to rest. My goal is to drop the worries and just love..

I came to this by realizing where I am in life. Hello, I am 18 and in college. This is the place I worried about. People would say "I am going to college at_____" and for the next week I would cringe at thinking of that innocent person, getting so smashed and then raped and ending up emotionally scarred for their entire life. I envisioned roads to destruciton, abandonment of faith, and ultimate evil. Okay, maybe that is a bit harsh, but some of it was true. I suppose I have never had the faith in other's that they would do the right thing when the time came. Maybe this is a reflection on self. That deep down I am scared that I will fall into an abyss when all my security is robbed from me. But that can't be. If I am afraid of my own decisions, then what must other people think of my certainties?

I can see where this is going......downhill....lets bring it up again.


This is good, college is good, people are good, life is good, and love is good. Put it all together and what have you got? ding dong, clap clap, hotdog..or in my case, tofu dog.


I have to go to another class now. You wouldn't believe how amazing it is to be able to dance for school. While everyone delves themselves into a secluded corner to read some book written by a bald white guy, I move through space to blasting music and feel the sweat drip down my brow. What's even better is I come home to a workload of pure pyschology and philosophy, two things I would read and do read by choice just because I find them so enthrawling. God bless double majors  ¶ 12:39 PM