Fapoooeee Today I looked under my bed for the first time in what seems like a long time so I might rid my space of everything personal. Doing this only so that future inhabitants of my soon-to-be-abandoned space may not share in my emotional AND physical dwelling, I attempted to sort, classify, save, toss, and recycle every peice of my past. Along with magazines, books that no longer interest me, sketches I forgot i had drawn, and pieces of string and cloth, I found 2 disposable cameras from unknown time frames. So I did what any glum, bored girl does. I developed them.

The entire process of developement sent me on an unusual tangent from relative contentness to utterly empty nastalgia (not empty in heart, but empty because I couldn't relive it all quiet right). I took the camera to Rite Aid, not because it was cheap, not because they were quick (in fact they took a precious 2 hours on my 1-Hour photo developement), but because I could almost feel your hand on my lower back as I walked through those automatic doors. I remembered how easily you told me it was to steal from this particular store, but also how you cautioned the stealth-like quality needed to successfully out-law the photo department. So I drew back and wrote an alias on the line labled name on the disposable's sleeve and thought of what name you would think of to give me. "Laila Sun Anew" was what poured onto the paper for unknown reasons and I smiled as I handed my film to the balding lady behind the counter.

Like always, I came onto an epiphany of sorts through the mystical disguise of an analogy while I was driving late last night. We are the human race. We run the human race. In all races, those that fall the least, make the best and most well-timed decisions, and run the race smart, win. But in this race, those who "fall" come to the end first. Metaphorically and physically, failure is built into the coming of the end. But in another perspective, the end could be seen as fulfillment and enlightenment. What is odd however is that even from that view, those who tremble and stumble the most recieve the prize that much quicker and stronger, for they have true conviction and motivation. With that said, I think my life will end in about 28 years. Long enough to glaze the perfection that has been my beautiful childhood, my blessed life, and the loving and tender relationships I have. Short enough to show that I pain, have pained, and will pain because with the deep and lovely relationships I establish, an even deeper piece of my heart is given.


Run like the wind Puke Skywalker and never look back, only up and onward. yahoo.  ¶ 2:18 PM