Palaxy Rivers It's as if the days were numbered. That one by one, they melt away yet it always seems I am on the day right before the last. A certain sense of urgenyt is always on my mind on these summer days. If not today than never I say. Because i am haunted by the free time that I once dreamt of so earnestly and not I am wasting it. I almost feel like a third world child who all it's life prays for a break from starvation, and then finds himself swimming in a pile of food and not eating enough of it.

Speaking of starving, I think my time has come. My unfortunate disease, which my grandmother so lovingly calls "Hoof and Mouth" as if I were livestock, has spread down the tubes of my throat, now causing me to pass up food instead of my usual indulgence. This is not only sad, but unfortunate because I find food is much better when I have time to appreciate it slowly.

One day soon I am going to go swimming. Today I went on a long bike ride alone for lack of any other source of excercise and ended up at Dawson's Creek. There is a gorgeous building there that has been abandoned for so long that they ought to put a "For Free" sign in the window because maybe then someone could inhabit it. I've actually had dreams where I live inside this building and have it decorated as my house(which is odd seeing as it is clearly just regular office space that was placed so perfectly near the creek that the property sales is probably more than outrageously high). So I thought today I might as well look inside and see if my imagination was anywhere near correct about the interior of the delicate structure. Although I imgained more divided rooms and less dust, my mind did a pretty fair job at filling in the blanks about the layout of the huge complex. Looking at it only made me wish for a minute that I was a ridiculously rich woman with too much money to handle who could buy such a building and make a dream come true.

Continuing on with my bikeride I came to my favorite little segment of the park and seriously considered jumping into the shallow creek. For lack of dry clothes, an excess of sanity, and the dangerously shallow water levels I contained my instincts but from that point on I have been craving the feeling of water on my rash-riden skin. I tried to quench my thirst by hosing myself down in my backyard but for some reason the effect was not quiet what I am looking for.

So my search continues: for less restful days, more adventure, deeper waters, smoother foods, and a reduction in property tax. Maybe then summer will feel complete. Until next time, dream on...  ¶ 11:16 PM 1 Comments

  Hush Puppies and Raw Oysters of Life And today is a day when I can look at life and say that I am blessed. Not because it is all perfect and peachy or because today I won $50,000 dollars or had an out of body experience (none of which but the opposite have occured), but because I have been able to live something amazing so far and know that more is to come.

I just came home from what seemed like another country; The Deep South. Where everything is fried, the word organic is unheard of, and it's cooler inside than outside day and night. ALthough this environment may have not been ideal, what grew in my heart while there was more than perfection. I met people. Now see, everytime someone new enters my life, I am infected with curiosity (and also unfortunately in this case, I am also plagued by a severe virus called Hand-Mouth-Foot disease). This curiosity allowed me to find that not only are there more amazing people than anyone is given credit for, but that any life lived is an amazing one indeed. I met in 2 weeks alone someone who left home to ice-skate for the olympic team at age 12; a girl who won the lottery and consequently could flee with her family to AMerica where she no longer had to beg for food; an 18 year old who had a patent on cancer research; and a handful of women whose life goal was to lead the world closer to peace. (which by the way needs to be cleared up; just beacuse the phrase "world peace" has been coined as both pagentish, canned, and phony, the idea itself is one that should not be scoffed at. peace is good, peace is beautiful, and should be respected).

In total and complete awe, my immediate reaction was intimidation. For no reason did I want to tell about my life without some sort of fibery because in competition, it seemed dull, bland and uneventful. But that slowly faded.
When in constant conversation with people you know, you forget how unusual, unique, or amazing parts of your life are because they have all heard it before. Phrases like "This one time in Jamaica...." or "at the auditions for Julliard..." or even "when I won that $3,000 scholarship.." sound like bread and water, plain and bland. But once put outside of the known I realized that my life, your life, all life, is so unique and amazing that jealousy of anykind is uncalled for.

This point was only exagerated when I returned home to a very-much needed warm hug and lengthy conversation with Ryan. After doing the normal "Argue-about-something-that-will-never-change" topic passed, we both sighed. My point went heard but unfelt just as his did. Looking him in the eye I said "I wish that someone could live my life with me just to know it and understand my side". He replied "I would never wish that someone would live my life with me because it's too much to understand". And it hit me, it is too much. It is all to individual, all to unique, all too amazing in the ups and downs of it is life that only GOD himself can even come close to experiencing and understanding.

All alot of talk I know, but it brings me to a great revelation. Too often (mostly while on long plane rides or falling alseep) I become angered at the inability of reality being able to agree. Every person, every country, every religion, every peice of earth, every theory, and every science conflicts on a scale large or small. None can all be explained by one without contradition and thus I am at a lost for what is real. SO maybe I understand now: Of course they will never agree, ever. Because each life is amazing, each person beautiful, and each person so alone aside God that they can't help but to see their own unique way. They can only help to create umbrellas under which they shelter common ideas with others who they can somehow relate. Call them sciences, call them politics, call them religions, call them whatever. They all just uterly amaze me only because they are all a perception of one reality, one truth seen through stained-glass the color of their path and tainted by their faith of the future.


Who knows though, really..........


Favorite quote of the week : "Better to be hated for something you are than loved for something you are not"~sent to me in a good-luck card at Junior Miss  ¶ 11:24 PM 4 Comments

  Tetnus shot Life is too overwhleming right now to put it into words. Here's something cool you should do

http://www.storewars.org/flash/

also, tune in June 27th, 6pm, on PAX TV


Also, as weird as cat people can often be, you should at one point attempt to adopt a cat. Muy beloved Kate is on my lap right now and she could very well replace any human being as a coudle companion....almost  ¶ 6:13 PM 2 Comments

  On the Edge of an Enigma It's a quater till 6 and in my hand I have a crisp $10 bill so generously supplied by my mother and my car keys. Walking into the friendliest Asian restaurant in town (Kokiyos), I ordered a side of steamed vegetables and some brown rice to go, in a hurry as always. After a minute or two wait, my hot fresh delicious food was handed to me in a bag containing the veggies and rice, a small mint, fork and napkin, and a fortune cookie. Like normal, I went for the fortune cookie before even thinking twice. Hardly ever do I read the fortune because I think that most of the time, a computer program randomizes the words "future, relationship, success, failure, work, and life" to somehow make a sentance that will make you feel dumb that you even checked insie the little crunchy pastry. But I was in a not so normal mood, so I unfolded the paper once in my car and read;
"Sometimes a stranger can bring great meaning to your life"

At first I was pissed because I had just wasted 30 seconds reading an obvious statement of life. But after turning on my favorite Radio Head CD and pulling out onto the road, I realized how completely true it is.
Perhaps the fortune cookie Gods were with me today or maybe I have too much thinking time but this simple fortune made me want to meet people like never before. Not because I believe the ywill "bring great meaning to my life" but that they might add anything. Do you realise that everyone you know right now, exceptions being imaginary friends and spiritual entities, was once a stranger? That one fact alone puts a new slant on how I look at the anonymous faces I pass each day. The quote suggests that strangers bring meaning, but really its not even that. Any meaning being put in your life shows a familiarity of some kind to that person and therefore their strangness disappears. This means that the more strangers that vanish, the more meaning your life has the capability of holding. So where to now? To the grocery store, to meet some strangers and perhaps add meaning to their life in any way possible while they do just the same to me. Afterall, my own father was once a stranger to me..........  ¶ 10:03 PM 2 Comments