Eating about food Rolling along on a long country road, most often devoid of beauty due to normalcy but brought back to life thanks to the radiant heat of the sun and the blossoms it brings, the music blasted loudly into my ears but not a words was heard. Not only was I thinking, but i was thinking alot and then began thinking about my thinking when i came to it; I think wierd.
Thoughts pass through all of our minds at such a rapid rate that one could never pin but somehow each and every thought is seen as justified in its occurence. But today, my thoughts weren't. I actively realised that most times, I think about the moronic, the ironic, the useless, the helpless, and the unresolved. Though these thoughts can and might lead to some huge breakthrough in my life, this is rare...more than rare....nearly extinct...we will call these actual good and productive thoughts endangered. As these endangered thoughts sink in the pool of existence, being pushed under by the overpopulation of my (useless) pondering cells I wonder; what is important for me to decide today and what can wait?

The fatalist in me says nothing. I need to know now, today, anything and everything from what God thinks about me to what the world would be like without rules. That very same fatalist, however, struggles under the weight of those ideas because she knows that if today is all i have, why not make something of it. After all, if i die tomarrow, I'd find out precisely what God thinks without writting out a list of hypotheses.

And here I am. Left wondering what I should wonder...what do I need to understand to find resolve? I guess it all boils down to learning to classify my thought. To the right, we have entertainment and to my left....establishment of a life with real believed value. Where would wondering about the actual possibility of anti-matter go?



PS. I am officially going to further my formal education in Los Angeles California at Loyola Marymount University under the intended double major of psychology and dance. YAY! Looks like there will be more questions on the way!  ¶ 10:14 PM 4 Comments

  Where is that? I am in love with my life. The most current conflict of mine is one of complete and utter insanity. I am neither in charge of the solutions nor the problem and cannot control or even effect either.
I see time; and I want two things.
1. Time to go as fastly as possible so that each event that is more exciting than the next in the future can occur rapidly and in succession. Of these events I look forward to my performance, my play, my graduation, my freedom, Alabama, Disney Land, my friends, my last summer, the beach, and everything holy
2. Time to stop so that never will I have to leave what i know and make a decision about what I do not. I don't look anxiously to creating a new social circle, having to "keep in touch" with those I love, needing to make vital independent decisions, and in general.....change.


Fortunately, I cannot in any capacity alter how fast or slow time occurs or what events turn out possitive or negative. All I can do is control the worry factory. God says the bird doesnt worry so why should you? Maybe because the bird didn't have to graduate high school....




Observation: The past 4 days have forced me (in a not so gentle manner) to decide what I value in life, what I want...really. So far, the petty seem to hold too much weight such as

• trees
• open and closed minds
• alternative music
• rain
• conflicting views
• beach
• Someone like me
• challenges
• vegetarian food besides salad
• dance
• art culture

They are hard to find in one place...God bless Portland

those

  ¶ 10:51 PM 2 Comments

  Welcome to Good Day Oregon. today.... Woke up late
read the news
watched some funnies
loved my mom
drove to coffee
laughed with a friend
met up in organo land
drank some good tea
sniffed fresh basil
went looking alone
played someones bongo
petted a dog
looked for a book
ended up stuck
reading literature
on sexual identity
met a man
who served in Nam
ate some lentil soup
and soft rye bread
searched for bumper
stickers about cows
all i found
were ones hating
vegetarian ways
rode my bike
for 1.5 hours
down all the streets
that i never knew
where they led
found a horse in hillsboro
rode through a cemetary
picked up a friend
frowned at price tags
ate a great salad
and some good veggie
pizzaaaaaa
then finally
watched some good'ol
Friends
the end


i don't like trying to recapture my day. Only life explains life. remind me to never do it again...ahh  ¶ 11:22 PM 3 Comments

  To all the Gods that be I have been apt to often discuss with my good friend Neil the nature of the history in which we relive and we have both come to similar conclusions; we are pieces. Pieces to a game, a politicians games where to win is to come out bigger, better, richer, and with more influence. This game pulls us through wars, through depressions, through famine and drought, through violence and rage, and everything in between. Upon watching documentaries of past Peace Conferences or UN meetings, the men laugh and joke and throw around words. By the end of the day, two countries have decided to cut all trade and thus affect millions of lives. To them, they have made a deal and accomplished their mission with goals in mind. To us, your neighbor lost his job. Maybe not. Maybe you have never been affected. But the fact that each nation is moved and controlled and lives and dies by the decisions of men who have never met you seems amoral to me in some aspects.

I dont want to spur of anti-war politics, but I can simply not imagine being willing to go to war or support any of our past wars which my country has been involved. The very fact of taking away life when no threat is directly upon you or your family seems unfathomable to me. To shoot a man is inhuman, but made slightly more likely when they have commited some offence. But pretend you are drafted from your home and pushed into a uniform then forced with gun in hand to go against an enemy which you have no squabble with aside from their choice to live differently than your leader wants. I just don't get it.


Aside from all of that, I would like to say that I am exremely greatful for my eyesight. I woke up this morning with one eye glazed shut from some irritation that was left unremoved from the night before. The result; minimal frontal vision aside from a hazy outlook and the inability to look left due to a sore eye-socket. Gross and uncomfortable. I can only think that this might have been what it was like in the early stages for Ray Charles as he lost his sight or Ludwig Van Beethoven as he slowly went deaf. The loss of something is great, the slow progression towards absence is worse. I sure hope my eye gets well.



Well, i guess right now i should be doing history  ¶ 5:58 AM 4 Comments

  Separate the universe into 2...1....2 Things I don't like...

1. Runny poop
2. meat/flesh
3. being hungry
4. a world that doesn't appreciate the arts
5. money
6. people who don't enjoy anything
7. critics
8. hypocrits
9. ugly buildings
10. fancy cars
11. sympathy
12. jealousy
13. closed minds
14. open emotions
15. selfish people
16. hollow philosophies
17. empty hearts

Things I like...

1. clouds
2. green things
3. relationships
4. coffee
5. peace
6. fast heart beats
7. deep breaths
8. tea
9. stroking flower petals on my cheek
10. long discussions
11. silence
12. the sound of smoke
13. the feeling of hot water
14. thinkers
15. art
16. music with soul
17. sun rays through a skylight
18. simple, repetitive patterns
19. the feeling of skin
20. thoughts
21. dried mangos

Wouldn't it be sad to ever be in the position where life wasn't worth living? If not for yourself, for the things you like, or even those you don't, don't stop living. You are here today to do something so go do it....

  ¶ 12:18 AM 1 Comments