Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Save the World with money
Over the span of two days, my life has changed. Not so much my life even, but my eyes. A completely new set of thoughts, emotions, questions, words have entered the vocabulary of my mental lobe through which the visual information I receive each day is analyzed.
It is amazing that all this can occur over two days, two instances more like it.
Instance number one: Hotel Rwanda. Movies normally impact me on a level that interacts with which lotion to use on my hands or how many times I make my bed this week. Unable to alter me in significant ways, I go expected nothing more than a quick laugh, a breif cry perhaps, and a good moral. But upon embarking on the experience that was Hotel Rwanda, I never expected to leave the theatre unable to comprehend the world. Slowly over the past months I have been loosing my sense of the country in which I live. Do i trust it? Do I hate it? Do I obey it? Do I love it? To better understnad where I stand I have undertaken the stance of becoming educated from a world point of veiw on the US. What I have found has left me speechless. I can no longer make affirmative statements about my loyalty to my native land. I don't even know if i have loyalty, or agree with loyalty. I just dont know anymore. Back to Rwanda, the film brought me to a point that is painful but needed. I now am like a blank slate where nothing i know is for sure, and even the very country where I live is like a figure of speech; unclear in purpose, untrue in value, but never the less carries meaning.
"It's kind of like a state of mind..."
In response I turn to my refuge of reading. I write and i read and I write and I read. In this process I advertantly think and ponder and pray and ponder. What I found was a US News filled with death, a bible verse announcing the worth of dedication to true value, and a homemade list of things I can do with my new knowledge (or rather lack of). Tonight I plan on taking another Mecca into the realm of writting and reading because each time I come out, I am different from when I went it. Odd thing is, the last few times i have taken this journey, I come back more unsure than anything else....
To add to this sunny note, I am, for the first time since this whole college crap has begun, excited about the road ahead. If I can learn and unlearn and relearn this much while staying in Hillsboro, imagine what the world outside holds. Wish me luck!
¶ 9:57 PM
It is amazing that all this can occur over two days, two instances more like it.
Instance number one: Hotel Rwanda. Movies normally impact me on a level that interacts with which lotion to use on my hands or how many times I make my bed this week. Unable to alter me in significant ways, I go expected nothing more than a quick laugh, a breif cry perhaps, and a good moral. But upon embarking on the experience that was Hotel Rwanda, I never expected to leave the theatre unable to comprehend the world. Slowly over the past months I have been loosing my sense of the country in which I live. Do i trust it? Do I hate it? Do I obey it? Do I love it? To better understnad where I stand I have undertaken the stance of becoming educated from a world point of veiw on the US. What I have found has left me speechless. I can no longer make affirmative statements about my loyalty to my native land. I don't even know if i have loyalty, or agree with loyalty. I just dont know anymore. Back to Rwanda, the film brought me to a point that is painful but needed. I now am like a blank slate where nothing i know is for sure, and even the very country where I live is like a figure of speech; unclear in purpose, untrue in value, but never the less carries meaning.
"It's kind of like a state of mind..."
In response I turn to my refuge of reading. I write and i read and I write and I read. In this process I advertantly think and ponder and pray and ponder. What I found was a US News filled with death, a bible verse announcing the worth of dedication to true value, and a homemade list of things I can do with my new knowledge (or rather lack of). Tonight I plan on taking another Mecca into the realm of writting and reading because each time I come out, I am different from when I went it. Odd thing is, the last few times i have taken this journey, I come back more unsure than anything else....
To add to this sunny note, I am, for the first time since this whole college crap has begun, excited about the road ahead. If I can learn and unlearn and relearn this much while staying in Hillsboro, imagine what the world outside holds. Wish me luck!
¶ 9:57 PM
