Sunday, February 06, 2005
He told me a lying truth....
There comes a point when you just have to say life is like a ball of contradictions, you never can get a straight answer. If one belief exists out there, another counter-belief does too. No matter how hard you think you need something, someone else out there could prove that you don't. Some live religiously following a diet that they swear their life on while their neighbor is surviving off everything the other has cut. It seems that there is no way then to assert something as certain. Everything has a counter action, another side, a different cantage point, a unique veiw, a contradiction.
Somewhat relatedto this, we have my life. My most current thoughts have been focused on the future and the ways which it can be lived out. I am contradicted in not only what exists externally but what resides internally. Externally we have the possibility of college that my family cannot afford but i somehow must attend. We also have the scholarhips i need but will never meet the costs. We also have the school to which i want to get into but am afraid to attend. Not to mention the choice between opposite worlds of education and artistry which coexist only in my mind and never on paper. Internally, I have a spirituallity i love and live by grown in a church (plural) i don't completely trust. Also I have a home and package of relationships i never want to leave but a future i am eager to start away from here. And yet what is more, I have the choice between happiness and complacency that will effect more than me. It seems too hard doesn't it?
So i have decided to no longer look more than a week ahead. That way, only one contradiction can hit me at a time because if I am figuring everything right, life decisions usually space themselves out at least 5 days apart from eachother right? So, if ever you decide to ask me about my future and I say "I am not sure" its not me being rude, it's not me even lying, it is me refusing to deal with something that will only make sense in time. God give me patience in these contradictory times.
Bed time...I have a huge week ahead of me and pretty much a future deciding weekend...whats new?
¶ 10:06 PM
Somewhat relatedto this, we have my life. My most current thoughts have been focused on the future and the ways which it can be lived out. I am contradicted in not only what exists externally but what resides internally. Externally we have the possibility of college that my family cannot afford but i somehow must attend. We also have the scholarhips i need but will never meet the costs. We also have the school to which i want to get into but am afraid to attend. Not to mention the choice between opposite worlds of education and artistry which coexist only in my mind and never on paper. Internally, I have a spirituallity i love and live by grown in a church (plural) i don't completely trust. Also I have a home and package of relationships i never want to leave but a future i am eager to start away from here. And yet what is more, I have the choice between happiness and complacency that will effect more than me. It seems too hard doesn't it?
So i have decided to no longer look more than a week ahead. That way, only one contradiction can hit me at a time because if I am figuring everything right, life decisions usually space themselves out at least 5 days apart from eachother right? So, if ever you decide to ask me about my future and I say "I am not sure" its not me being rude, it's not me even lying, it is me refusing to deal with something that will only make sense in time. God give me patience in these contradictory times.
Bed time...I have a huge week ahead of me and pretty much a future deciding weekend...whats new?
¶ 10:06 PM
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I love contadictions. In this modern day of rational logic, they prove that its an imperfect science. And two things that must don't prove that something is wrong, because it is very possibly both are true. It also proves that nobody is ever really wrong. I was even going to write a post on this subject, but you've beaten me to the punch, so I'll just post some of the quotes I was going to use, as I think many apply to you currently:
"Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding." - Proverbs 3:13
"For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth his knowledge increaseth his sorrow." - Ecclesiastes 1:18
"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then....I contradict myself.
I am large....I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman
"Oh, if you're a bird, be an early bird
And catch the worm for your breakfast plate.
If you're a bird, be an early early bird-
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein
"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
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"Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding." - Proverbs 3:13
"For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth his knowledge increaseth his sorrow." - Ecclesiastes 1:18
"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then....I contradict myself.
I am large....I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman
"Oh, if you're a bird, be an early bird
And catch the worm for your breakfast plate.
If you're a bird, be an early early bird-
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein
"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
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