Life is a Fabulous Blend...
Monday, January 31, 2005
Boil eggs not clothes
Though the last few days have been nothing short from normal, they have offered few a varied moments of thought, inquisition, inspiration, and quandry. Mind if I share?
I found my favorite quote in a piece of random graphity which read "We are each here to fill our own small silence with dancing"
After watching too much news filled with spending tolls on the war and then shots of sobbing Iraqi'sone late sunday night, the lyrics of some political propoganda peice of music hit home to me "We've had enough of these politicians wars. All we need right now is love"
Later, while saying goodnight to my mom with our usual I love you, I remembered why we vow to express ourselves so often to eachother; because our time alive is so uncertain. This made me wonder how radically each person would live their life if given a certain timeline of daylight. Would you live different today if I told you that you would live to be 82? Would you be more cautious so as to not harm your body and assure a pleasant aging or would you risk everything possible to get a thrill because, after all, you won't die doing it..?
Then, I was blessed enough to be given the sight and sensual pleasure to enjoy the most beautiful day with sun that only became warm when shot through a window pane and skies that reflected the outline of snowcapped Mt. Hood. By the end of the day, i decided in the most unofficial manner a decision which was later shot down by my parents to drop out of school to enjoy more beautiful days. Today, I still wish that instead of being locked indoors watching the second hand move slowly that i could rahter have been watching the sun pass overhead underneath the thick clouds.
I have no doubt that each day will hold more knowledge than i can grasp but hopefully enough to fill a blog space..
¶ 9:51 PM 0 Comments
I found my favorite quote in a piece of random graphity which read "We are each here to fill our own small silence with dancing"
After watching too much news filled with spending tolls on the war and then shots of sobbing Iraqi'sone late sunday night, the lyrics of some political propoganda peice of music hit home to me "We've had enough of these politicians wars. All we need right now is love"
Later, while saying goodnight to my mom with our usual I love you, I remembered why we vow to express ourselves so often to eachother; because our time alive is so uncertain. This made me wonder how radically each person would live their life if given a certain timeline of daylight. Would you live different today if I told you that you would live to be 82? Would you be more cautious so as to not harm your body and assure a pleasant aging or would you risk everything possible to get a thrill because, after all, you won't die doing it..?
Then, I was blessed enough to be given the sight and sensual pleasure to enjoy the most beautiful day with sun that only became warm when shot through a window pane and skies that reflected the outline of snowcapped Mt. Hood. By the end of the day, i decided in the most unofficial manner a decision which was later shot down by my parents to drop out of school to enjoy more beautiful days. Today, I still wish that instead of being locked indoors watching the second hand move slowly that i could rahter have been watching the sun pass overhead underneath the thick clouds.
I have no doubt that each day will hold more knowledge than i can grasp but hopefully enough to fill a blog space..
¶ 9:51 PM 0 Comments
Thursday, January 27, 2005
yes
I ask for understanding
and knowledge of my kind
I pray for words
just simple words
that let me know
its valid, its okay.
At times its too hard
to say what must be said
because I fear the way
it might be heard
and not
understood
Understand that I am different
that i think in my own way
that no one made me believe this
or that society forced me here
believe that i am a person
with thoughts unique
each coin in my purse
each day in my past
adds to the dollar
and the person that wont last
because i too can alter
i too can see things like you
Because i pray for understanding
because i plea for knowledge
I yearn to know that I is not universal
and neither is you
So take me how i am
show me all your ways
but always
understand
That I will not live to please
I will live to be me
So
help
hold
love
and always
understand
¶ 10:58 PM 0 Comments
and knowledge of my kind
I pray for words
just simple words
that let me know
its valid, its okay.
At times its too hard
to say what must be said
because I fear the way
it might be heard
and not
understood
Understand that I am different
that i think in my own way
that no one made me believe this
or that society forced me here
believe that i am a person
with thoughts unique
each coin in my purse
each day in my past
adds to the dollar
and the person that wont last
because i too can alter
i too can see things like you
Because i pray for understanding
because i plea for knowledge
I yearn to know that I is not universal
and neither is you
So take me how i am
show me all your ways
but always
understand
That I will not live to please
I will live to be me
So
help
hold
love
and always
understand
¶ 10:58 PM 0 Comments
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Where am I?
There are times I'd like to believe that I am not the one responsible for where I am today. That somewhere in the picture, a little mischief making man came along and proclaimed that my life will collide in every way possible and that each sector would hate the other. Says he "dance, do not work with theatre, school?, you need to hate dance a little more, oh and social life? I've had enough of you. SHouldn't you be mad at activities by now?"
Also, I have begun to wonder what life would be like if each person possessed only one character trait. Imagine having no drive but being nice, no desire but envy, no motivation but to have a cynical manner, etc. Imagine feeling only one thing all the time, and whenever unable to feel that one thing, doing everything in your power to maintain that state of un-equilibrium. Its hard enough to think about, no to mention completely imagine. Life is such a blend of emotions, feelings, characters, people, actions, things, stuff, junk, jews, gew, blew, snew, snot, not, taught, hot, hut, what?
¶ 10:32 PM 0 Comments
Also, I have begun to wonder what life would be like if each person possessed only one character trait. Imagine having no drive but being nice, no desire but envy, no motivation but to have a cynical manner, etc. Imagine feeling only one thing all the time, and whenever unable to feel that one thing, doing everything in your power to maintain that state of un-equilibrium. Its hard enough to think about, no to mention completely imagine. Life is such a blend of emotions, feelings, characters, people, actions, things, stuff, junk, jews, gew, blew, snew, snot, not, taught, hot, hut, what?
¶ 10:32 PM 0 Comments
Friday, January 21, 2005
"Better to Have..."
Now I am aware that most often the title of my posts are so abstract that upon looking back even I have a hard time making a correlation between the post and the title, but today is different.Today I am coming out straight; the question is "is it better to have"?
As many ways as this may be attacked, I choose to take the relational route. I could go off on materialism but I feel no questions are unanswered as to whether value lies in owning stuff or not.
While living life, I have noticed; at times, we avoid people, pets, things, stuff, opinions, or options because often we feel it is better not to have and never loose than to have at all. Where is this imaginary line draw? What is safe to have and what holds too much possibility of pain? Often I find this strategy occuring within all age brackets. For example, children when reasoning whether or not they truely want a new pet often come to the conclusion they would rather not because they hate it when they die. Thus they would rather never own a new Fluffy or Spot than go through the pain of their pressumed death. Again we see this option pop up in the dating years. Young men and women roam from fling to fling avoiding commitment because it sucks too much to have to break up with someone. On the other hand, those who DO choose relationships often let problems go prolonged and happiness unhad because it is too hard to approach the slithering snake of the relationship. Again, in the more advanced dating years, we see the better to not have than have lost strategy approach those seriously considering marriage. With the 50% rate we have now it is often reasoned that some would rather not risk a possible divorce than risk a successful marriage. Now I ask why??
We are raised being taught that life is full of opportunities to grab and take advantage of, but we still wade in shallow water rather than risk the fast paced deep. Learning from the very beginning "Better to have lost than never to have loved at all" but we live in a world of mediocracy for fear of this lost that is praised. All I can conclude is that we are somewhere, somehow, getting the message that life is full of a whole lot more bad than good. That those things we truely desire lead to our downfall. Since when did everybody become Hindu? I mean seriously, it's like the world believes that one minute of pain is so unbareable, that not even an infinite amount of happiness is of equivalue. Then I am brought to ask, what is it about pain that is so bad? Why are we so afraid of it? Why is it seen as a regression of character instead of a stepping stone? What happened to struggles leading to ultimate growth? Too many questions.
Conclusion: It is better to have, but even I, am still afriad of pain.
¶ 11:07 PM 1 Comments
As many ways as this may be attacked, I choose to take the relational route. I could go off on materialism but I feel no questions are unanswered as to whether value lies in owning stuff or not.
While living life, I have noticed; at times, we avoid people, pets, things, stuff, opinions, or options because often we feel it is better not to have and never loose than to have at all. Where is this imaginary line draw? What is safe to have and what holds too much possibility of pain? Often I find this strategy occuring within all age brackets. For example, children when reasoning whether or not they truely want a new pet often come to the conclusion they would rather not because they hate it when they die. Thus they would rather never own a new Fluffy or Spot than go through the pain of their pressumed death. Again we see this option pop up in the dating years. Young men and women roam from fling to fling avoiding commitment because it sucks too much to have to break up with someone. On the other hand, those who DO choose relationships often let problems go prolonged and happiness unhad because it is too hard to approach the slithering snake of the relationship. Again, in the more advanced dating years, we see the better to not have than have lost strategy approach those seriously considering marriage. With the 50% rate we have now it is often reasoned that some would rather not risk a possible divorce than risk a successful marriage. Now I ask why??
We are raised being taught that life is full of opportunities to grab and take advantage of, but we still wade in shallow water rather than risk the fast paced deep. Learning from the very beginning "Better to have lost than never to have loved at all" but we live in a world of mediocracy for fear of this lost that is praised. All I can conclude is that we are somewhere, somehow, getting the message that life is full of a whole lot more bad than good. That those things we truely desire lead to our downfall. Since when did everybody become Hindu? I mean seriously, it's like the world believes that one minute of pain is so unbareable, that not even an infinite amount of happiness is of equivalue. Then I am brought to ask, what is it about pain that is so bad? Why are we so afraid of it? Why is it seen as a regression of character instead of a stepping stone? What happened to struggles leading to ultimate growth? Too many questions.
Conclusion: It is better to have, but even I, am still afriad of pain.
¶ 11:07 PM 1 Comments
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Do you hear that knife cutting my cream cheese?
How much of the human potential do you think you use? 10% if the brain, 50% of the blood, about 25% of your lung capacity each breath, its ridiculus. Could you imagine i everyone took the time to harness every power invested in them and use it to the fullest?
For example, I have in the past become fed up with my mediocur reading speed so I rented one of those VHS's about speed reading. The average human reads about 1/32nd as fast as they think. This is because when we read, we act like we are speaking and the tongue can only move so fast. With practice and training and honed concentration, every human is capable of reading as fast as they think. All it takes is time.
Take lung capacity. When embarking in a yoga class this past summer, my yogi talked about using every square inch of your lung space. This allows you to conciously slow your heart rate down, use your air more efficiently, increase your stamina, and increase oxygen flow in your blood stream. On average we take shallow breaths using a milispace of our capacity. When beginning yoga, I could breath (hard) for about4 seconds befor hitting my spacial limit. 4 weeks later, I was up to 15 seconds plus. The space was always there, it was simply the concentration.
Now think of runners. How long can you run for without tiring? Andy Jones set a world record for running approx. 100 miles in 12 hours, 5 minutes, and 23 seconds. Is his body superior than yours or just maximized?
This train of thought of capacity was spurred by reading a book entitled "Zen and the artist" which talked about the powers of meditation to increase artistic awareness. It talked about the possibilities of the human mind to be so much more aware than we let it be. The body is so truely amazing. My new goal is to, ha, like the army "Be all that I can be". Care to join me?
¶ 1:40 PM 1 Comments
For example, I have in the past become fed up with my mediocur reading speed so I rented one of those VHS's about speed reading. The average human reads about 1/32nd as fast as they think. This is because when we read, we act like we are speaking and the tongue can only move so fast. With practice and training and honed concentration, every human is capable of reading as fast as they think. All it takes is time.
Take lung capacity. When embarking in a yoga class this past summer, my yogi talked about using every square inch of your lung space. This allows you to conciously slow your heart rate down, use your air more efficiently, increase your stamina, and increase oxygen flow in your blood stream. On average we take shallow breaths using a milispace of our capacity. When beginning yoga, I could breath (hard) for about4 seconds befor hitting my spacial limit. 4 weeks later, I was up to 15 seconds plus. The space was always there, it was simply the concentration.
Now think of runners. How long can you run for without tiring? Andy Jones set a world record for running approx. 100 miles in 12 hours, 5 minutes, and 23 seconds. Is his body superior than yours or just maximized?
This train of thought of capacity was spurred by reading a book entitled "Zen and the artist" which talked about the powers of meditation to increase artistic awareness. It talked about the possibilities of the human mind to be so much more aware than we let it be. The body is so truely amazing. My new goal is to, ha, like the army "Be all that I can be". Care to join me?
¶ 1:40 PM 1 Comments
Thursday, January 13, 2005
One Flew over the Artists nest
As most of you know, tis the season of college application essays. Although the topics are often corny and shallow, and I am sure 85% of the essays those boards recieve from nervously hopeful freshman will sound the same, encompassing overused lines like "I want to change the world" or "I have a passion for __________" or "I possess all the qualities to be an excelent student at ____", within the 8 I have written, I have made some discoveries.
1.) If I were a college admissions concelor, I would say screw the esssay. I would trust the grades you recieved in English, and for the majority who are not planning to major in literature, I would nix the writting process all together. They say in your essay, they want to get to know you, get a sense of your personality, and discover you uniqueness. I know honestly (from experience) that you can BS your way through an essay and make yourself sound a whole lot more unique and wonderful than you are. Why don't they just require an interview process? I don't expect everyone to be able to travel to their college of choice for an interview, but maybe even a phone call. I t would save us the students time, the councelors a butt load of time, and probably give them a better chance to "get to know the prospects".
2.)Every college should utilize the common application
3.) As much as I dislike them and believe in their impracticality, the essay questions have caused me to think about my future. One art college requested a statement of purpose. Seemingly easy, this was by far the most perilous task of the entire application process. To define what this statment should contain, all I got was a short description "please describe your future academic and artistic plans referring to past experiences". In short, tell me the purpose of your life, education, and what you have lived so far.
I was overwhlemed! What do I include, what do I leave out, what do I want to do in the future, what is an intelligent way to say 'i have no clue where i am headed', ect. Basically, this one topic made me look ahead me like I never have before. What is the purpose of college, or learning, or what I want to do....?? What is your purpose that you are persuing? I know what I want to do is paint, dance, decorate, make the world prettier...but is that a worthy purpose worth persuing? What am I offering to the world? While attempting to answer this, I had an epiphany: I want to become a doctor and save all the dying babies of the world. At this point, i threw down my art school application, ran to the computer and printed off an application to the best med school I could find. Five minutes later, i settles down, set that app on fire, and grabbed a paint brush and my chopin CD and began to paint again. I hope I don't end up locked up in a cockoos nest like all those other artists of our history. God help me....
¶ 9:26 PM 0 Comments
1.) If I were a college admissions concelor, I would say screw the esssay. I would trust the grades you recieved in English, and for the majority who are not planning to major in literature, I would nix the writting process all together. They say in your essay, they want to get to know you, get a sense of your personality, and discover you uniqueness. I know honestly (from experience) that you can BS your way through an essay and make yourself sound a whole lot more unique and wonderful than you are. Why don't they just require an interview process? I don't expect everyone to be able to travel to their college of choice for an interview, but maybe even a phone call. I t would save us the students time, the councelors a butt load of time, and probably give them a better chance to "get to know the prospects".
2.)Every college should utilize the common application
3.) As much as I dislike them and believe in their impracticality, the essay questions have caused me to think about my future. One art college requested a statement of purpose. Seemingly easy, this was by far the most perilous task of the entire application process. To define what this statment should contain, all I got was a short description "please describe your future academic and artistic plans referring to past experiences". In short, tell me the purpose of your life, education, and what you have lived so far.
I was overwhlemed! What do I include, what do I leave out, what do I want to do in the future, what is an intelligent way to say 'i have no clue where i am headed', ect. Basically, this one topic made me look ahead me like I never have before. What is the purpose of college, or learning, or what I want to do....?? What is your purpose that you are persuing? I know what I want to do is paint, dance, decorate, make the world prettier...but is that a worthy purpose worth persuing? What am I offering to the world? While attempting to answer this, I had an epiphany: I want to become a doctor and save all the dying babies of the world. At this point, i threw down my art school application, ran to the computer and printed off an application to the best med school I could find. Five minutes later, i settles down, set that app on fire, and grabbed a paint brush and my chopin CD and began to paint again. I hope I don't end up locked up in a cockoos nest like all those other artists of our history. God help me....
¶ 9:26 PM 0 Comments
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Out of my control
Have you ever stared yourself into non-existence? Maybe not nonexistence but surely down to the most simple and least complex moments of your being? At times, I find myself before a mirror just looking at myself. At first I see my eyes, my hair, my clothes, my butt, me basically. Then I think and look and then I begin to stare. The power of the stare transcends me into another mindset. I know it sounds creapy but the reality is, once I glaze over my eyes and displace myself outside of the physical, I can actually separate my brain, my soul and my character from my body. Then I am left with this feeling of utter confusion; who is that I am looking at? I know it's me, but it's not. I am a gathering of cells, of something growing and breathing but I think and love and live and I am more than a body. It's similar to when you say a word over and over again. It soon becomes devoid of meaning, hollow in purpose, dumb sounding. Suddenly I am an overspoken word. This trans is scary. It allows me to be in more than one place, like God looking at me. I don't see the imperfections of Kara, I see the worldly worth of a being. Sometimes when I get too confused about life I want to go into that place deep in the mirror, where all the bull sh is pushed aside and all that exists is reality. But that place is like a dream, out of my control. No matter how I try to control it, place it, or remember how to achieve it, it will always be just out of my grasp.
Currently, I don't want to sleep. I want to stay awake forever. I want to be with my friends, I want to read, I want to draw, I want to write, I want to type, I want to eat, I want to play. I know sleeping means slowing down and at exactly 12:00 on January 2nd, I don't think I want to...
¶ 1:00 AM 5 Comments
Currently, I don't want to sleep. I want to stay awake forever. I want to be with my friends, I want to read, I want to draw, I want to write, I want to type, I want to eat, I want to play. I know sleeping means slowing down and at exactly 12:00 on January 2nd, I don't think I want to...
¶ 1:00 AM 5 Comments
