Stupid mind, go away I do believe I am my own devils advocate. At times I think that if a camera could capture thought, my brain could cast and carry out a full-blown CNN debate. It is as if no matter what the topic, two views live in my head. The process is actually quiet complex. I try to be firm with any idea that I conclude but so often half was through my explanation of the idea, the opposing rebutle stirs in my brain and poors out of my mouth, contradicting any valid point i just had. Then I am left stupified. I am left dumb founded, trying to figure out which side to take. It is horrible to have a debate partner that knows the counter argument before it is spoken.
So often I am left like a blubbering idiot. I make a point, then says something that counteracts it, then agree with both, and finally end with an "so right, i'm not sure...huh?"
I have conlcuded this is due to my lack of judgement in what areas are appropriate to study and the kind of information I let enter my brain. I want to be rounded, so often I purposely subject myself to an idea I know I disagree with. I listen to music with morals I dont support, read books against what I believe, and try to justify a religion I don't follow. But just the same I believe what I believe, read about it, learn abouit it, listen to it, and most importantly live it. So I am left with a brain believing one thing and justifying the other. Wow, this sounds a bit too muich like TOK. SO today I decdied to limit my input on class discussions mearly because there was enough discussion occuring in my brain to keep me occupied. And besides, I think I came off as smarter that way.



On a seperate note, I watched one of the most touching things today. I am not the sentimental type, at all. Very few things carry emotion for me. But today, upon picking up my brother at the airport, I realized the magic that occurs at that very spot. People are reunited. Everything either disappears or appears in that one second two peoples eyes meet for the first time in hours, days, months, maybe even years. I think at that moment is when one can truely feel unconditional love. No matter what has occured, how long they have been gone, each person had a genuine smile on their face and gave the best hug they could muster up. One couple inparticular I watched long and hard because they were stunning. Not in looks, but in emotion. She ran to him, jumped into his arms and they held eachother. I could see only his face and it was lit up so soft and happy. They walked toward baggage claim slowly in each others arms, treasuring every second they were together. They would look at eachother shyly, meet eyes, and kiss softly. Now even if they werent in love, even if they had once been enemies, even if they had shared hardships together for the past 5 years and haven't settled them, I would never know. Because all I saw was something beautiful and true. I wish those kind of things could be bottled and used in times of rain.

  ¶ 9:06 PM