civil lesion from the lit For the most part, I think Thorueau's Walden had little to no significance to me, but the writting Civil Disobedience is absolutely brilliant.


Away from my nerdyness, today I am sick. As customary, usually following or preceeding my illness is that of my fathers. So, today we both sat home from church. After my two hour nap on the hard floor in front of my warm fire place while my dad read one of his many religion books, we both sat silently for a good 45 minutes just pondering life. Silence gave wave to grunts which gave way to short sentances. Before i knew it, we were talking about the meaning of life. Alas, I am not speaking of the broad meaning but rather a slice of the pie. This slice I would like to lable rubharb; bitter but still worth digesting.
Try this on for size: every person has had a significant wound from their youth. According to my father's book the most common offender is the father, but regaurdless, a wound. The result is a grown person who is still trying to heal. It changes them for the better, for the worse. They spend their time either denying it, trying to prove it wrong, over-compensating it, protecting it, or ignoring it. Few can simply heal it and move on because the other part of the equation (the offender) is unapproachable, in reachable. My father's wound is a hard sense of criticism put on him by his parents. To this day, he is not good enough. That is his wound. So what does he do? He does everything 100% + and then publishes it for assurance that, "yes, I am good". But still when it comes down to calling his dad up and telling him all the things he has been succeeding at, the phone line is filled with criticism. Why? Because the wound is so permanent.

So then my father asked me "are you wounded?" He looked hollow and scared for me to reply with something like "well, remember when you.....". but I didn't. I am fortunate to have grown up in a house where accusations are little and love is abundant. There are no requirements, laws, punishments, governments, mandates, rules...except for to respect and have true love for any and all people. So my new goal: identify the wound as it occurs, when it occurs, where it occurs. Not to say i havent been hurt, on the contrary. I have multiple little hurts that have changed and altered me as a person and how i act but no one wound that defines me everyday above the rest. I hope all of you who battle with that wound choose the high road and come out on top. YOu can try right?


I might be a slight bit drunk right now. I have now taken over12 herbal supplements, one of which I know for a fact to have 13% alcohol concentration and that i have taken at least 5 times today. Another homeopathic supplement (one that i find particularly fun because it is a tube full of little beads that dissolve beneath your tongue and taste like sugar) makes me very sleepy, while the ginger chews I am taking for my stomach get stuck in my teeth and cause everything I eat/drink to taste like ginger. The tea that is aparently stress releaving is called Kava tea, which I quiet enjoy becuase i have identified from a young start that if any day I become the slightest bit famous I will go by the name Kava Girod(French pronounciation on the last name please). Currently I am sucking on some Zinc tablets which are my worst enemy because they give me cotton mouth and create a film that does not dissolve without the aid of my 13%alcohol concentration (which I do think I am becoming dependent on).

Well, the day moves on so so must I. My bed is calling me...

  ¶ 2:38 PM