Monday, September 06, 2004
Where am I?
Let's get this straight. Today starts tonight which is the last night before tomarrow, where i will begin everything over again. Just like i did yesterday, i can think to myself that tomarrow is the first day of the rest of this, or it is the last day within my comprehension. Right? right. Gl;ad we cleared that up.
So tell me, how is this going to work? Is there anyway to skip through it and reach a point of no friction where its alright to be seperate, different, and not on diverging paths but still live together? I can guess about tomarrow, i can even plan tomarrow, but can i imagine tomarrow in its fullness? Never. Will you still be there? Maybe. Will I? Maybe. SO let's agree on this. Today we will act like there will never be a tomarrow becuase there is to much to fill in that it stresses me out. Let's do what we want because we can and that will be good enough. And when there is a bad day, let it be bad because maybe, that's what was needed. Even if it means that we feel like we will end the last day of the rest of our lives in a rut, at least we were rutting in it without the stressers of tomarrow and never stuck in discussion about something that will never occur. My only question is now, what if tomarrow comes, and it becomes today, and you are not there? i can't say i planned on your presence, but i know in my heart of hearts something will break and tear and no amount of non-planning will avoid that.
And when i have finished doing the nothing i am doing at this exact moment, i look forward to doing something. I am considering a shower, then a good meditation period. Possible glances at some applications, a little bit of Modest Mouse, and most definately a latte...yes English Toffee latte...or mayeb even a cappucino. But i will gaurantee you all this. Whatever it is i do, i will do it with all my mind, all my heart, all my energy. Becuase today is the last time right now that I can ever do anything, so I am not about to waste that. Thankyou God for today. I have to go live or something....
¶ 4:44 PM
So tell me, how is this going to work? Is there anyway to skip through it and reach a point of no friction where its alright to be seperate, different, and not on diverging paths but still live together? I can guess about tomarrow, i can even plan tomarrow, but can i imagine tomarrow in its fullness? Never. Will you still be there? Maybe. Will I? Maybe. SO let's agree on this. Today we will act like there will never be a tomarrow becuase there is to much to fill in that it stresses me out. Let's do what we want because we can and that will be good enough. And when there is a bad day, let it be bad because maybe, that's what was needed. Even if it means that we feel like we will end the last day of the rest of our lives in a rut, at least we were rutting in it without the stressers of tomarrow and never stuck in discussion about something that will never occur. My only question is now, what if tomarrow comes, and it becomes today, and you are not there? i can't say i planned on your presence, but i know in my heart of hearts something will break and tear and no amount of non-planning will avoid that.
And when i have finished doing the nothing i am doing at this exact moment, i look forward to doing something. I am considering a shower, then a good meditation period. Possible glances at some applications, a little bit of Modest Mouse, and most definately a latte...yes English Toffee latte...or mayeb even a cappucino. But i will gaurantee you all this. Whatever it is i do, i will do it with all my mind, all my heart, all my energy. Becuase today is the last time right now that I can ever do anything, so I am not about to waste that. Thankyou God for today. I have to go live or something....
¶ 4:44 PM
