Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Don't mess with my world..
Everything in the world is relative. Any opinion, and thought, even any fact is relative. " i am nice". Compared to whom? "Lizards live short lives". SHorter than what? "Your name is ________". Says who? "I live in a house". really....? Okay, so maybe not everything. But a vast majority of observations are all in the grasp of relativity.
This sucks. It means that so many things that i take as factual, or actual knowledge, can be changed in the blink of an eye as soon as i have something greater or worse to compare it to. Say today, i can honestly say that i live a good life that i enjoy waking up to. That each morning i can look in the mirror proud of my accomplishments and say, "i do pretty dang well". I do my stuff, feel satisfied doing it, and have a happy attitude. Then, i flip on the Tv or sign on IM or talk to a friend or something, and hear how they spent their day saving the world. All of a sudden, i feel less valuable and give my life less meaning. I dont want to wake up the next morning because i know someone will beat me to the goodstuff and i dont have a good life anyway. What has changed? Has my life deteriorated? Have my actions been altered? Am i doing anything different from the life i once loved? No. Nothing has changed. All that has been touched is the relativity of my life. I know a greater good, so mine is given less. Now obviously theoretical and completely hypothetical, that situation actually does occur to people. For me it is on a much smaller scale. Like yesterday evening; I consider myself smart. I consider myself an over-acheiver. Actually, i consider myself among the top strivers in school, ya know, all A's honors courses, yada yada. So i am in this room with a bunch of girls who all are interested in this all womens college Scripps. I figure they are all just like me, about the same, some below some above but i feel pretty good about myself. as the talk gets going, i find out that i have the lowest SAT score in the room, the most B';s out of all of them, and the lowest GPA. Not only that but they all talked better than me and were prettier. All of a sudden my feelings of achievment went down the drain. I felt the need to exit the room and go study or write some essay about saving the world from AIDS. Did i get stupider? no. Was i robbed of my achievements? No. All that happened was my scale of relativity changed, and it sucked.
Now i just wonder, is everything i consider good really just mediocur and is there alot more out there? Really, will i ever know if i have disfunctional relationships unless i learn of a functional one? Please someone, show me the cut-off for good things and bad things. I feel like in all areas, i am just living on the tip of an iceburg and only when i see the whole thing will i know how good, or how bad, i've got it.
¶ 11:39 PM
This sucks. It means that so many things that i take as factual, or actual knowledge, can be changed in the blink of an eye as soon as i have something greater or worse to compare it to. Say today, i can honestly say that i live a good life that i enjoy waking up to. That each morning i can look in the mirror proud of my accomplishments and say, "i do pretty dang well". I do my stuff, feel satisfied doing it, and have a happy attitude. Then, i flip on the Tv or sign on IM or talk to a friend or something, and hear how they spent their day saving the world. All of a sudden, i feel less valuable and give my life less meaning. I dont want to wake up the next morning because i know someone will beat me to the goodstuff and i dont have a good life anyway. What has changed? Has my life deteriorated? Have my actions been altered? Am i doing anything different from the life i once loved? No. Nothing has changed. All that has been touched is the relativity of my life. I know a greater good, so mine is given less. Now obviously theoretical and completely hypothetical, that situation actually does occur to people. For me it is on a much smaller scale. Like yesterday evening; I consider myself smart. I consider myself an over-acheiver. Actually, i consider myself among the top strivers in school, ya know, all A's honors courses, yada yada. So i am in this room with a bunch of girls who all are interested in this all womens college Scripps. I figure they are all just like me, about the same, some below some above but i feel pretty good about myself. as the talk gets going, i find out that i have the lowest SAT score in the room, the most B';s out of all of them, and the lowest GPA. Not only that but they all talked better than me and were prettier. All of a sudden my feelings of achievment went down the drain. I felt the need to exit the room and go study or write some essay about saving the world from AIDS. Did i get stupider? no. Was i robbed of my achievements? No. All that happened was my scale of relativity changed, and it sucked.
Now i just wonder, is everything i consider good really just mediocur and is there alot more out there? Really, will i ever know if i have disfunctional relationships unless i learn of a functional one? Please someone, show me the cut-off for good things and bad things. I feel like in all areas, i am just living on the tip of an iceburg and only when i see the whole thing will i know how good, or how bad, i've got it.
¶ 11:39 PM
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i wish i could give you advice, or words of wisdom. however, i often find myself struggling with the same thing. i would tell you not to compare yourself to others, but we all know that that's not completely possible...so...right....i'm open to any new ideas. :)
Kara, I totally know how you feel - you know that camp I talked about for my 60 seconds in my junior miss interview? It was like, exactly the same feeling... only with performing and such. I know how much it sucks, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. Just know that you're you for a reason. I bet none of those girls can dance like you can. They probably aren't as friendly, or fun. And even if they are, don't worry about it. You've worked hard to get what you've got, and a lot of people really look up to you. You can't compare yourself to other people's acheivements. You can only measure if you're good enough for youself and how for you've come from the start. And one last thing, God doesn't care about SAT scores or GPA... he only cares that you did the best you can. So don't sweat the small stuff, and keep on being the awesome person you are.
(on that note, we need to work out stuff for Link Crew. Ready, Go.)
(on that note, we need to work out stuff for Link Crew. Ready, Go.)
kara anne. i dont have much to say, but i can simply offer you this. those girls are awesome i'm sure, and have done a lot in this world. but none of them kara have made such a huge impact in my life as you. you are so special to me, and i know there are so many other people who can say that as well. i love you kara.
Wow, i dont think i should have made that post. Kind of an overwhleming response and i wasnt exactly needing reassurance, but rather was just making an observation about life. Things are relative, and nothing is positive. I dont have low self esteem so sorry for the confusion but thankyou for responding.
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